What they dont tell you in the pregnancy & childbirth books (Excerpts)

• If you are breastfeeding, you will spend 70% of your time postpartum with your breasts hanging out. After a few days walking around the house like this it won’t seem strange to you anymore, even when there are other people around.
• Going to the toilet, if you remember to, and taking a shower will feel like major achievements.
• They do tell you there will be a change in your routine, what they forget to mention is that sleep deprivation is the cruellest form of torture. And your torturer is a cute, little, helpless thing, that you adore. I can’t remember what it feels like to sleep for more than two hours in a row and have now taken to just staying up all night instead, those raving days came in handy after all.
• On the breastfeeding thing again, they leak like crazy and you will sometimes smell and feel like a cow. Sometimes the milk just bursts out of your nipple like its shooting out of a water fountain, freaking the baby out as he drowns in motherly love.
• The first days postpartum will seem like an endless round of feeding and changing, you will realise that your life is somewhat fucked, but you will find this quite amusing because you will feel like you are high on drugs, thanks to those wonderful hormones raging around your system. Postpartum blues are a very real prospect once they settle down again. Leaving you feeling very vulnerable once you realise that the high doesn’t last forever and that your baby is human, not an angel sent from heaven, and is open to life’s ups and downs just like you are. The prospect of this will scare the hell out of you.
• Babies are miraculous. You will fall instantly in love. Just looking at him/her will at times make you cry uncontrollably. You won’t believe yours actually came out of you. And you’ll spend the rest of your life worrying psychotically about this little bundle of joy. And you will finally find it in your heart to sympathise with your own mother. But guess what it’s too late, and what goes around comes around.

For more on the fatwa see here